negative thinking~

(paste from old blog)

smlm aku tdo kol 9mlm…i’m felt so badly last night…i dun know why…i’m just afraid…afraid with the future..uncertain future…(~,~)…jam 1.30pg aku terjaga…bad dream as well..argh…why i can’t even feel calm in a dream?? golek punye golek..terlelap balik..then jam 3.45pg…terjaga again!! dush!! skt ati sgt..nk tdo dgn aman pun xbole…aduhai~~ last2 aku xtdo blk pun…just terkebil2 n berfikir dan berfikir smpai pg….so this morning kpala rs berat n pening~~

i was thinking ’bout myself..my career..my life…my relationship…my family…and semua tu berlegar2 di fikiran aku tanpa hala tuju…aku pk ape nak jd dgn diri aku ni…i’m almost 28′ but nothing to be proud of…no saving..no fixed job…no gud investment…NOTHING!!! terpk nape org len idup senang lenang aje? nape diaorg byk duit? nape parents diaorg kaye raye? n everything was so fibrous!!! (~,~)

bersyukur…yes i am..i got everything in returns…but still tak tahu ntah kenapa semlm pkran was so negative…(~,~) maybe because i’m so afraid utk melangkah ke dunia yg baru kot..i dunno…just worried ’bout my parents especially…still ke aku bole maintain mcm skung if dah kawen nnti? aku nak…aku nak maintain camni…i love my parents so much…more than anyone in this world…b’coz they alwiz shows how much they love me…needs me..count on me..and prioritise me…keyakinan disygi..KEYAKINAN…this is what i want dari dulu lagi…tu harapan n impian aku dr dulu..dr kck2 lagi…and now i got it..of coz aku nak maintain sumenya…in a simple word…maybe aku mcm belum ckup sedia melangkah ke dunia baru aku kot??? am i??? (~,~)

maybe aku terlalu byk b’pk kot…smpai terpk bnda yg bkn2…ntahla..lately ni…asyik bnda yg sme je jd..aku pun xtau mane silapnya..dr aku ke??? nape kdg2 dia buat aku rs cam xdisygi?? camne klau aku ckp aku tkt nk kawen??? seriusly…aku sgt TAKUT!! aku takut aku xmmpu jd isteri yg baik utk mr.right..aku tkt aku xdpt penuhi sgala t/jwb aku sbgai seorg isteri n at the same time sbgai seorg anak yg bek..aku tkt aku xbahagia…aku tkt hub ni xberkekalan..aku tkt ttg sgala2 nya yg xpasti…i am afraid!!! ntah kenapa aku hilang keyakinan ttbe…plz…bg la semula keyakinan yg penah hadir dlm diri aku ni…i need it right now…! (-_-”)